Focused Rambling

Are you gonna pay for that?

You probably wouldn't expect to run into your wife at a brothel , and you really wouldn't expect to see her working there... What I love about this little story is that it's made to sound as if she is the terrible person, and it hardly seems to matter that the guy himself was at a brothel!! It's not like he was walking by the place and saw her come out, he was buying himself some fun of his own. Who should we hate in this story, the woman that was making money for her family at a brothel, or the guy that was spending his family's money at a brothel? Personally, I think they should have just worked it out, they obviously both have common interests (sex with strangers for money).

Happy holidays

So the other day at work, I received an e-mail from H.R. entitled "How to deal with family conflict and relieve stress at the holidays".... I didn't find any of About.com's suggestions very helpful, but I was inspired to come up with my own fun holiday stress relievers (mainly for men)

• 1) Pretend to contract a near-deadly disease, such as the flu or the plague or cirrhosis or mad cow (the more contagious the better). Tell everyone your doctor has instructed you to rest for a week, and that if they call and you sound drunk, it’s the medication. Then tell all of your family that you will just have to catch up with them on President’s Day.
• 2) In lieu of gifts, ask your family to just leave a wadded-up envelope with $20’s in the recycling dumpster in the gas station parking lot. You don’t have to tell them that it is for your bookie (say it’s for an orphans Christmas present hunt).
• 3) Wear an “I’m with stupid” Christmas sweater that is covered with arrows pointing to darn near everyone…
• 4) Keep a jug of moonshine under your hat (you may need a big hat, but again, just remind everyone that President’s day is fast approaching and you are celebrating your love for Mr. Lincoln). Then make repeated trips to the bathroom, remembering to hide a little cup for Uncle Carl in the medicine cabinet on each trip…
• 5) Picture your relatives naked (of course, you’ll also have to consider them as other people, like Victoria ’s Secret or Abercrombie and Fitch Catalog models). Then, practice all of your lamest pick-up lines on them. It will give you some needed feedback, and definitely reduce any further contact you will have with them that day.
• 6) Come to Grandma’s in a full football uniform with helmet and pads. Then pace nervously in front of the TV, explaining that you just cannot wait for the Super Bowl. Then ask if anyone wants to go outside for a quick game.
• 7) Attempt to psychoanalyze any member of your family that speaks to you. Ask them about their childhood (unless you are the source of most of their childhood traumas). If they really get into it, try hypnosis. That bit where you get them to bawk like a chicken never gets old.
• 8) Give everyone Cialis/Viagra for Christmas, and then announce that you brought your videocamera…
• 9) Tie a string around your finger. Whenever someone asks you about it, say “I put it there to remember something.” When they ask what, look intently into their eyes and say, “Oh yeah, I just remembered” and walk away to talk to someone else.
• 10) Cry. Cry a lot. And when asked why, tell them all that you just saw “The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants”, and haven’t been the same since.
• 11) Hug everyone 4 and 5 times. Tell them you’re making up for all that lost time when you pretended that the thought of hugging them made you sad.
• 12) Discuss the stock market.
• 13) Ask everyone to name their favorite politician…if they can’t, ask them to name another inanimate object.
• 14) Say “Happy Holidays” a lot, and if asked why tell them that you were drafted in the “War on Christmas”. If they don’t laugh, tell them “Merry Christmas” really quickly…

If none of that works, watch this freaking hilarious video from Jason Mraz and just get on with it... Thanks to dashusland .